Written by THE WISE ONE
Foretelling a child’s profession: Please try this at home!
A pastor had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his desperate father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his bed four objects:
*a K1,000 note;
*a bottle of Premier Brandy, and
*a porno magazine.
"I'll hide behind the door," the pastor said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.”
“If it is the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the K1,000 note, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good, low down drunkard, and, Lord, help me.... what a shame that would be. And God forbid! If he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing-no-good-bum."
The pastor waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his rucksack down and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the bed.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. Then he picked up the K1,000 note and folded it into his wallet. After that, he unscrewed the Premier Brandy and took a swig as he happily browsed the porno mag.
"Lord, have mercy," whispered the disgusted pastor, "He's going to be a rape-attempting-AG who wears the respectable cloak of a Minister of Justice!"
Tom’s new electric train
A few days after his seventh birthday, Tom’s mother was working in the kitchen listening to him playing with his birthday gift - an electric train - in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said,
"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, Tom comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard him say,
"All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She hears Tom continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the tracing of a proud smile began to show on the mother’s lips, the boy added;
"For those of you pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please blame it on the bitch in the kitchen!"
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and as women tend to, they were comparing notes on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," the first woman said, "But I guess it’s impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled knowingly and whispered, "Next time, try going alone Amwali; the outcome will be awesome!"
©2012 The Maravi Post