I am a 34 year old unmarried woman and have been busy developing a vastly popular restaurant in town. I have a college friend who frequents the restaurant and has been coming for the past 18 months.Five months ago, he told me about a woman he was interested in very much and asked if I could teach him ways to win her heart. Eager to make him happy, I gave him a few tips on what makes a woman happy. I even encouraged him to invite the woman to my restaurant. Within an easy few weeks, the woman succumbed to his wooing and the two are now a "unit."Sadly for me, I've found that I have fallen in love with him. I'm aching with pain and regret. Was I foolish to teach him how to win the heart of another woman? Is there a way I can win him? Help me please; every time they come to the restaurant is like a knife piercing into my heart.Disappointed Teacher
Dear Disappointed Teacher,
You weren’t wrong to teach your friend how to win the heart of this woman. Your falling in love with him probably happened during the teaching process. This is painful, but sometimes unavoidable.
You should treat this as a project; it was successful but now it’s gone. For now let him go; you know at least that you are a good teacher.
Alternatively, you could tell him to help you get the attention of a man. If he is as good a friend as you were to him, he could help you also get somebody.
++++How can I stop her bringing her lover into my home?Dear Aunt Nadithi,My long-time friend and I share living space. The property is leased in my name. We share expenses, although I take the lion's share because I live with my two nieces who are in secondary shool.I discovered late that she is fond of indulging in love affairs with married men. Her current one is a big wig in town. This is none of my business, but lately, they have been coming to the house and spending a lot of time chatting and even involving my nieces in their discussions.I don't like this because I feel it could encourage my nieces into this sort of life. I also fear, he may prowl on my nieces, a thing I would loathe very much. How can I stop her bringing her man into the apartment? Would I be unkind if I asked her to move out of the apartment? Would it help if I told his wife about the affair?Sick and Tired
Dear Sick and Tired,
You are obviously trying to build the lives of your two young nieces. The environment being carved by your house mate isn’t a healthy one for you or your nieces. You need to let her know that you aren’t happy with her bringing in her married companions especially for the sake of your young nieces.
The gesture wouldn’t be an unkind one, but a helpful one. She would have to weigh her options: to stay with you and play according to your regulations or move out and ask her companion to rent for her house.
Involving the wife would be a disastrous wild fire. At the end of the day, what your friend does is her business; but what you care about most is the welfare of your nieces and to protect them by seeing that they grow up in a non-corrosive home environment, one that is free of adverse influences as love affairs with married men.
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