The Maravi Post

Two villages in Dedza may soon go to war. Their problem centres on the Linthipe River.

Reportedly, one village, on the eastern side of the river, is claiming half the river – their claim duly backed by this same concept that our Taifa brothers and sisters are using to claim Lake Malawi, Littoral or riparian rights.

The village on the western side too, is claiming the same river and they have gone to the extent of renaming their village Linthipe Village – something previously non-existent.

The District Commissioner, in a bid to solve the crisis, visited the villages, one after another. He told the villagers in both villages, separately of course, that in fact, they own 100% of the river since it runs in Dedza and they are all Dedzans.

All was well, until he left and drove back to Dedza.

Now both villages have renamed their villages Dedza Village – a per Bwana DC’s new information. And what’s more, the stretch of river that separates them has also been appropriately renamed Dedza River and would you believe this: both villages are now claiming 100% ownership – nothing more, nothing less.

Will the International Court of Justice be able to help?
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A true story: Bishop Desmond Tutu’s favourite joke

Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa just loves this joke:

When the missionaries came to Africa, we had the land and they had the Bible. Then they said, "Let us pray ...," and asked us to close our eyes.

By the time the prayer was over, they now had the land and we had the Bible.

Bishop Desmond Tutu usually ends the joke by adding, "And I think we Africans, got the better deal!"
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A Chanco lecture from the lower Shire returns to his roots

A Chanco professor, after very many years of absence went home to the Lower Shire. On arrival he met a village boy at the Shire River bank. The little boy ferries people across the sea for money. No sooner had professor boarded the boy's canoe than the following interrogation began:

Prof: Did you read philosophy?

The Boy: No.

Prof: You are useless in the world. What about psychology?

The Boy: No.

Prof: You’re a waste. Did you read pharmacology?

The Boy: No.

Prof: You’re good for nothing.

After a while there was an excessive wave and the canoe was shaking to capsize.

The boy quickly abandoned the professor to fate. The helpless professor was in great fear, yelling at the rustic boy for help.

The Boy asked him "Prof, have studied Swimmology? Now you are the one finished!” shouted the boy, as he swam away to safety.
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AGs from Malawi, Taifa discuss Lake Malawi

A Malawian delegation, led by Malawi’s Attorney General, flew to Dar to discuss ownership of Lake Malawi.

The discussion, due to some trouble at the scheduled hotel, was shifted to the residence of Tanzania’s Attorney General, who happens to have a very ferocious-looking dog.

As the Malawi AG approached the door, the dog began to bark wildly and Tanzanian AG said to him,

"Come on in, my brother Senior Counsel from Malawi! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites."

"Yes," replied our crafty AG, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it? For all I know the proverb was made in Berlin, and could be another product of Heligoland that your dog will not subscribe to! Before we have an agreement on when and whether your dog can bite and when or whether it cannot, now therefore, as per aforesaid, we must first make sure the dog is a party to the Heligoland Treaty!”

And, hence, the fight over Lake Malawi was won; funny how dogs can save the day.
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©2012 The Maravi Post.