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Dear Aunt Nadithi: I am dating my teacher

On this page Aunt Nadithi is asking the young, old, men and women to send in your personal heart of heart problems and challenges you face in your relationships. On her part, she will give you her next-to-honest deep down from the heart response and advice. Sit down and read Aunt Nadithi’s arm-chair shared solutions. And remember a problem shared is a problem solved. Write to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Ask Aunt Nadithi

Dear Aunt Nadithi,
I am a happily married 32 year old woman and have three children. My husband works out of town, (a two hour drive) where he keeps a small apartment for his stay during the weekdays.
Many of his friends are from there and he often invites them over for weekends to out home with their families. So our house is always full of visitors. My problem is that one of my husband's workmates says things a man should not say to another man's wife. The statements are rude, crude and they make me uncomfortable. Most of all I do not like this.
When he first said the comment, I thought it was funny, however after sometime, I saw how brazen his manner was and I also feared someone may see him. He was also fond of touching my arm and lingering. On occasion he has even squeezed my arm and slapped my bottom.
How may I get him to stop his lewd comments and his touching me in such a way? What if my husband finds out, will he divorce me? Do you think my husband will put up a good fight for my honor?
Violated B.

Dear Violated B.

It is upsetting when you get unsolicited advances of this nature, especially among people your husband considers his friend. However, you must tread carefully, because it is certainty that he is also cautious in these sexual approaches. You do not want to get to the point where you are accusing him, and worse yet, where he gets other people to collaborate with and denies they comments.

It is good that you stopped finding the story a laughing matter; what he is doing to you is harassment and it should not be condoned
Your first line of action should be to confront him while he is sober and let him know that he cannot and should not "play" with you. Give him notice that if he continues to cross the line, you will take matters to the other people in your lives - your husband, his wife and then even legal action.
Your husband may not divorce, however, it is important that he hears the story from you than anyone else. Give him the story from your perspective. Sadly dear girl, the days when men fought for their wives is long over, so don't expect a fight.

He grades my tests according to events in our affair

Dear Aunt Nadithi,
I am an 18 year old grade 12 student in high school in the city. During the last semester of my 11th grade, my English teacher asked me out for a date. We fell in love with each other because of our common love for poetry. It started instantaneously. Since then the relationship has blossomed into a deep affair. And my grades improved due to his after-school coaching. We love each other and I have all the vibes that he will ask me to marry him once I graduate.
My problem is that as the affair deepens and we argue here and there like any other couple, I am noticing that my grades are downing the yo-yo on me. They are up and good when all is going well. However, any time we have an argument, my grades do a nose-dive.
Can he do that? Can he give me bad grades?
Grade school girl

Dear Grade school girl,
Yes he can give you bad grades. He is teacher. And you have allowed a chink to ruin the teacher-pupil relationship.
Having an affair with your teacher is not a very intellegent thing that you can do while in school. The teacher-pupil relation compromises the integrity of the teacher and the pupil. On the one hand, teacher is rewarding you with good grades for services you are giving outside the classroom; you on the other hand, are inherently placed on a higher platform of privilege and clearly ahead of the pack in this league called learning.
What has developed between you and teacher is both wrong as well as illegal. It is wrong on your emotions and it is illegal since he is not applying the universal measures for marking the tests: Your grades are based on a bedroom scene; while your friends the grades are based on knowledge they got through strenuous reading and studying. The playing field is not level and in some places he could lose his lisence to teach. As long as the affair continues, you will be getting grades that are not based upon what you do in the bedroom and not upon what you have attained during the learning process.

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