The Maravi Post

On this page, Aunt Nadithi is ready to answer many of your questions about relationships. Regardless of age and sex, send questions, or concerns concerns to relationship expert This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
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She cooks good food, but I don't love her

Dear Aunt Nadithi,

My girlfriend of six years has gone back to France for a one year study exchange Programme. To while the long nights away since her departure two weeks ago, I picked up a girl from one of the night clubs in town. We have great sex, the girl can cook and she cleans up the house really good too!

She moved into my apartment last weekend and is living with me. But I don't love her. How can I gently bring her down from the cloud to which she has ascended in so short a time?
BK

Dear BK,

If you want someone to cook for you and clean your home, invest in a domestic worker. Your case is one of trying to have your cake and eat it too. You should have been honest and upfront with her, that you have a girlfriend that is away. But you let a little good cooking and a clean house cloud your vision.

Sitting down and talking issues over is always the best, but people often do little of it. Tell her that you have a girlfriend; and as politely as you can manage, let her know that she can not stay in the apartment any longer.

My married uncle is cheating, should I tell his wife?
 
Dear Aunt Nadithi,

I am a 23 year old girl, fresh out of university and frequently hit the clubs in town with my boyfriend. My problem is that lately my uncle, who is my mum's younger brother, has been coming to the night spots where my boyfriend and I like. He is usually not alone but in the company of a woman, whom I have established is his girlfriend.

The second time he found us at the club, he bought us drinks all night. The third time, he slipped some money into my hands. At this point I felt really cheap. I could tell he was buying my silence.

Although he is my relative, I feel duty-bound to alert his wife. How can I stop him trying to buy my silence? Could you also please tell me the best way I could tell my aunt about my rogue uncle? I also don't want him to influence my man before we have even broached the subject of marriage!

Disgusted Niece

Dear Disgusted Niece,
At this point all conventional wisdom would advise that you and your boyfriend should leave your uncle and his shenanigans and find another club. This will have a double win result as you will not be in the company of your uncle and his misdeeds and you will also be avoiding being given money that to you seems like buying your silence. He did however make a massive in-road when he paid for that first night.

Yes, your aunt is not the relation, but your uncle is, and supposedly telling your aunt, would in the long run help save his marriage. But, and this is a big but, remember your aunt is a big girl, and she can figure this out by herself. Work on finding another club to enjoy yourselves; you may find that you will need to do this a number of times, but keep doing it. It will send a message to the roving uncle that he does not have an ally in you on his cheating ways.

Another option is to talk to your uncle about what he is doing. Let him know that it could have an effect on your relationship with your boyfriend. If he values your welfare, he may wise up and either move to another club or go furlough for sometime.

Do you think he's gay?

Dear Aunt Nadithi,

I am 28 years old and met this 29 year old boy who started working in the company across the hallway from  mine four  months ago. Right away, we became friends and we go out to lunch and dinners at the time. We are inseparable. We go to parties together and we can sit and chat on the phone for hours.

The problem is, while I want to take this relationship to the next level, he appears not to take the leads I give him. Several times I've tried to kiss him, but he has moved away as if I haven't done anything. I feels like a fool. Do you think he is gay? Should I ask him if he is gay?

Doubtful

Dear Doubtful,

Just because someone doesn’t respond to your advances for a kiss, it doesn’t make them gay. He probably wants to keep the relationship platonic. You might try concealing your feelings for a while and continue with the good times you are having, despite your pining away for this man. Wait, patiently. If there is love, it will come; you can't hurry love, Dian Ross once sung.

Because of all the noise about whether to legalize or not to legalize same-sex unions, and the whole homophobia battles being raged from both sides of the fence, asking your very good friend if he is gay, may not be the wisest question to ask. You would be basing your assumption on your failed kiss attempt. But he could be many other things; he could be reeling from a failed relationship and may not wish to get into another.  But suppose he is gay and he tells you that he is, then what? Would your relationship remain? Your best option is to continue enjoying the times you spend together.