The Maravi Post

I'm an orphan and as a teenager, lived with my aunt, uncle and cousins. When I was sixteen, I was raped and impregnated by the house servant in my aunt's house. When my aunt saw that I was pregnant, she said she feared her husband would want me so she sent me to stay with my grandmother. I had the baby and went back to school while my grandmother cared for my son.

I am working in the city and my son and six year old son stays with me.

The servant is now a thriving businessman and he wants to marry me, and "take care of his child." I don’t love him and I certainly don’t want anything to do with him. I love my son and want to protect him. Is there something I can do to prevent this man from taking my child away? My aunt has been talking with my grandmother to encourage me to marry this man with whom she and her husband do business together. Should I marry this man who raped me?

SL

Dear SL,
Your grandmother is a life-saver, saving you and your son! It’s a good thing that you were able to return to finish with your schooling and are now looking after your son.

As to the man that raped and gave you a child, you may wish to consult your lawyers on the appropriate action that can be taken, if any after all these years. The court could find him liable for a prison sentence. No rapist should get away with this act, no matter how loving he is of the offspring.    

Your aunt is a very selfish and manipulative person who seeks to advance her own interests. She should be the last person to have a say in your affairs. She threw you out of her home when you needed her the most. She should have stood by you and even taken this man to the police. She was more interested in protecting her marriage than look after you, a rape victim, who is her relative.

You are a survivor and have every right to move on with your life as you have done, with the help of your grandmother. Should your aunt insist on your marrying her business partner, you should inform her that you will take the matter up with your lawyers. You should not be forced to marry a person you do not love, especially one who violated you by raping you.


How can I get her back?

Dear Aunt Nadithi,

I am an unmarried head teacher at a private progressive school in the city. Two years ago, a new female teacher joined our teaching staff and right away we entered into a relationship that blossomed into a very lovely love affair.

This past semester, she was promoted by the school board and I was really happy for her and looked forward to her upward mobility in the school system. To my shock and chagrin, she has ended our relationship. She says that she doesn’t want anyone to think that she is being promoted because of our relationship.

Is that not shallow of her to think that way? I still love her and swell with pain when I see her, and the pain grows when I hear students sneaker as I pass by. How can I win her back? And how can I make the students stop their childish sneering?

Love Struck

Dear Love Struck,

Your fellow teacher isn’t shallow in thinking that people may feel she is climbing up the school ladder due to the relationship that was there between the two of you. She is in fact protecting her future and securing her tenure prospects. The continued relationship between you could ruin either her work at the school and in some cases even yours could be at stake if something should go wrong.

Nadithi rule of thumb: Although sometimes it can’t be avoided, it is best to avoid relationships within the same organization. Sometimes, these work out, but most often, when something goes wrong, both parties have lost their jobs or have had their reputations tarnished.

As for the students, Mr. Head Teacher, you handed the pupils plenty of fodder on a silver platter. Relationships between teachers are students' feeding ground for their pranks and jokes. The way to gain your respectability, which you need to govern the institution, is to forget ladder-climbing teacher and concentrate on leading the school rather than fishing in it for lovers. You'd best go out and look for a lady further away. In other words, move on; find somebody else, this time outside the school premises. You never know, maybe she went out with you to get a promotion.....


Should I propose love to my teacher?

Dear Aunt Nadithi,

I am an 18 year old boy in school and atrociously in love with my teacher. I believe that age is just a number, and frankly speaking, I have also seen the way she ogles at me in class. I'm a gentleman, should I take the relationship further? Should I make the first move and ask her to have an affair with me?

Gentleman School Boy

Dear Gentleman School Boy,

This adage of "age is just a number" is inappropriately applied in your situation. You rightly call yourself a school boy, and THAT you are; so to be brief and to the point on your two questions the answer is no. If you really want to be a gentleman and you believe a teacher is ogling you, as a gentleman, who is a school boy, you should turn the other way.

You are your teacher's ward and are in her care. She is there to care for your academic advancement. As a gentleman, help her execute that task of looking after you, by not encouraging her in any wrong doing. As a gentleman, resist your temptation; and try to finish school without getting into a knot with the teaching staff.
If the ogler is still around after you finish school, then you can do the gentlemanly thing and take the relationship further and propose.

As for now, you are a student, so as your elders say, "Behave!"
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Relationship expert Aunt Nadithi is on call every Saturday. Send your concerns to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. ©2012 The Maravi Post. Reproduction authorised, with usual acknowledgment.