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Dear Aunt Nadithi: He takes another girl to his house

Dear Aunt Nadithi,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we have plans to marry soon. We are staying in the same area, but the problem is that when I am away he brings another girl to his house.
 
When I am around on holiday from school, he always invites me to his house; but people have told me that when I am away he also invites other women to his house.

I have not yet shown him signs that I know what’s going on. I love the boy very much but I am not sure if I should leave him because of his infidelity. Please help.

Confused Girl,

 
Dear Confused Girl

While people that tattle-tellers never make the favourite people listing, sometimes they give warning signs that can be helpful in delicate situations as infidelity. Your man is being unfaithful; this unfaithfulness is covert and takes place only when you are not around town. He obviously does not want to rock the pretty boat he has built for himself.

This is your boyfriend of three years with whom you are making plans to marry, don’t be afraid of him. Ask him about these other women that are enjoying the pleasure of his company in the house he has brought to; and ask him what she means to him. You need to let him know that you are concerned, unhappy and want the visits of these other women to his house to stop.

You need to assert yourself and guard what is yours. Let him know from the onset that you will not share him with anybody in the same way he would not want to share you with another man. It is only when you make these kinds of possessive statements about the person you love and care about, that you are both able to embrace values such as discipline, honour, trust and commitment.
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Hairy like an animal
 
Dear Aunt Nadithi, 

I have a hairy body and I even have beards, this gives me headache because my friends always laugh at me and I am often the butt of jokes and jeers. I have a boyfriend but sometimes my facial hair is more than his. There are times when people tell me they can’t differentiate between me and the next man!

Recently a friend told me that there is medicine (whether cream or something) that removes hair permanently. She promised that she would bring the medicine when coming back from the UK but up to now, nothing has materialized.  So please if you know any type of this medicine which can remove hair permanently please help me, even if it can be expensive I am ready to buy. My looks are at stake here. I resemble an animal.

Hairy Lady
 
 
Dear Hairy Lady,

A number of hair removal creams are sold at pharmacies that remove hair. However experience with these is that the hair grows back after some time; so you would need to re-apply them from time to time. Another option for women with excessive hair is to go for waxing treatments. Since these treatments remove hair from the roots, it takes the hair longer to grow back. You should be able to put aside a lot of money as well as nerves. It can be painful, so take along pain relievers when going for the treatments.

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My husband’s pockets are like a mystery treasure trove
 
Dear Aunt Nadithi,

My husband and I have been married for eight years and we have two children. I thought that we have a very good and enviable marriage and we are strict church-goers. My problem is that I have been finding mysterious things in my husband’s pockets and they are really disturbing me.

One day I found a packet of condoms. Four days later there were two sets of condoms. Just this week I found a letter from a woman asking to meet him after work. Although he picks me up after work and does not go out again, the letter really shocked me that other women are making rendezvous with my husband.

I don’t want to pry too much into his privacy and I only empty his pockets to put his clothes away. But when we got married, we promised each other never to keep secrets between us. What should I do? Do you think there is anything sinister to these incidences or is there an innocent explanation to it?

Flustered and Frightened
 
Dear Flustered and Frightened

Your nuptial promises of never keeping secrets between you were good and should be as good today as when you made them. But they are only as good as each of you hoist up the flag when you feel a promise is broken.

In your case, you feel your husband has flouted rules you both set; it is up to you to ask him about these mysterious things in his pockets. It’s not good for either you or your husband if you keep quiet about something that has caused alarm bells to ring.

You are not prying. You and he are one. This is your husband and you have a right to ask him about these ‘funny things’ that are found in his pockets. You could start by asking him whether there is something you should know about ‘the things’ found in his pockets.

There could be a very simple ‘innocent explanation’ to the things being in his pockets, such as he has started a small scale business in selling condoms, or they belong to his friend. And the letter could be something that was passed around during a staff meeting. Anything is possible; however you will never know unless you ask him. He is your husband. Ask him.
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