THIS Sunday, our reflection veers in a different direction as we try to contribute to the global effort in the fight against HIV and AIDS.
To come closer home, we are following hot on the heels of Dr Mary Shaba, the Principal Secretary for Gender, Children and Social Welfare, who was at it the other day, offering some crucial tips which women can only write-off at their own and families’ peril.
Our humble contribution, if adhered to, could substantially increase the time that the hubby stays at home during his off-duty hours, reduce arguments and facilitate better understanding between spouses.
This would also have a bearing on both the quantity and quality of time couples spend together.
------x------
From: Men
To: Women
We will be typically blunt, calling all spades by their proper names:
1. Please learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls (you can look this up on google), don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us, we will refuse to answer.
4. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by that time you're stuck with her.
5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not competitions to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Please take this as the gospel truth.)
7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Learn to live with this. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as a game of snooker; Man U, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Barca Line-ups, or which is better between a BMW and a Merc.
8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. You can neither challenge or change this.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we refuse to be blackmailed into thinking of it as such. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. What you want to wear is your business.
10. You have enough clothes. You have too many pairs of shoes.
11. Crying is blackmail.
12. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
13. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark ALL anniversaries that matter to you on the calendar.
14. Peeing standing up is many time more difficult than the way you do it. We're bound to miss sometimes, learn to live with this.
15. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Learn to pick your own pair of shoes to wear.
16. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
17. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends (and our mother in laws) are for.
18. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
19. Nigerian films are best left to Nigerians. As a general rule, movies worth watching should be associated with Hollywood. Any film associated with any other film industry that has the “H” substituted with an “N” or a “B” is an insult to our intelligence.
20. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we say can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we mean the other one.
21. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
22. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
23. Whenever possible, when we are watching football, please say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks.
24. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.
25. If it itches, it will be scratched.
26. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
27. If we ask what's wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothing's wrong. By the way, we always know when you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
28. Last but not least, it is important that you remember that boys will always be boys!
...if you can comply with the above, we will all live happily ever after. If your memory cannot absorb the above, printing a copy and stashing it in a handbag is not a bad idea at all.
With unending but potentially volatile affection,
Signed: Your Men.
---
©2012 The Maravi Post. Reproduction authorised, with usual acknowledgment
Fighting HIV/Aids, keeping family together Dr. Mary Shaba style
Written by THE WISE ONE
THIS Sunday, our reflection veers in a different direction as we try to contribute to the global effort in the fight against HIV and AIDS. To come closer home, we are following hot on the heels of Dr Mary Shaba, the Principal Secretary for Gender, Children and Social Welfare, who was at it the other day, offering some crucial tips which women can only write-off at their own and families’ peril.
Our humble contribution, if adhered to, could substantially increase the time that the hubby stays at home during his off-duty hours, reduce arguments and facilitate better understanding between spouses.
This would also have a bearing on both the quantity and quality of time couples spend together.
------x------
From: Men
To: Women
We will be typically blunt, calling all spades by their proper names:
1. Please learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls (you can look this up on google), don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us, we will refuse to answer.
4. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by that time you're stuck with her.
5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not competitions to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Please take this as the gospel truth.)
7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Learn to live with this. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as a game of snooker; Man U, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Barca Line-ups, or which is better between a BMW and a Merc.
8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. You can neither challenge or change this.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we refuse to be blackmailed into thinking of it as such. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. What you want to wear is your business.
10. You have enough clothes. You have too many pairs of shoes.
11. Crying is blackmail.
12. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
13. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark ALL anniversaries that matter to you on the calendar.
14. Peeing standing up is many time more difficult than the way you do it. We're bound to miss sometimes, learn to live with this.
15. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Learn to pick your own pair of shoes to wear.
16. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
17. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends (and our mother in laws) are for.
18. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
19. Nigerian films are best left to Nigerians. As a general rule, movies worth watching should be associated with Hollywood. Any film associated with any other film industry that has the “H” substituted with an “N” or a “B” is an insult to our intelligence.
20. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we say can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we mean the other one.
21. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
22. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
23. Whenever possible, when we are watching football, please say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks.
24. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.
25. If it itches, it will be scratched.
26. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
27. If we ask what's wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothing's wrong. By the way, we always know when you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
28. Last but not least, it is important that you remember that boys will always be boys!
...if you can comply with the above, we will all live happily ever after. If your memory cannot absorb the above, printing a copy and stashing it in a handbag is not a bad idea at all.
With unending but potentially volatile affection,
Signed: Your Men.
---
©2012 The Maravi Post. Reproduction authorised, with usual acknowledgment
Tags: Mary Shaba
