In a world where talking about sex has been made a taboo, sex has been made so cheap, the abuse of sex has led to much pain and we grow up being told to shun sex; many end up viewing sex as evil.
Godly people become programmed to frown at the thought of sex. Evil shouldn’t steal what God invented. Sex is Godly and is God’s idea.
In your marriage, talk dirty with your spouse, get kinky, and hold nothing back; for even God expects, desires, and demands you two to enjoy sex
That’s why you cannot marry the person you are not in love with. This is the reason many people are heartbroken in marriages and cohabitation. They can’t have the person they are in love with.
You have to marry for values, vision, and lifestyle as being in love is not enough. Obviously, you have to be sexually attracted to your spouse. But marriage requires so much more than love, where sex is shared deeply.
Below are some of the reasons why many lose sex appetite in marriages:
- LACK OF LOVE
Love is the greatest aphrodisiac; when you are in love with someone, you find everything about them sexy, and you surrender to pleasure. Sex is more than getting to the climax, it’s an act of intimacy, it’s also about the journey that leads to the climax and the reason why the climax is special. That’s why you should marry the one you are in love with. - THINKING TOO MUCH
When you are making love, free your mind and pleasure will follow. Put the stress aside, stop thinking about the baby, about the bills, about your responsibilities, whether your skin is too sweaty, whether you’re making too much noise, whether you’re doing it right, whether you are hard or wet enough. Stop worrying, you and your spouse deserve this moment of pleasure. Pleasure is first sought after in the mind. - COMPARISONS
When you compare and make your expectation of what good sex is based on what you read in magazines, what you read online, and what you hear from friends; when you compare the size of your hubby’s tool with what you hear from friends, compare your wife’s body and tricks with what you hear; you will not enjoy sex with your spouse. Sex is custom-made for every couple, leave the world behind, it’s just you two. - PORNOGRAPHY
Pornography confuses you, it plants images of strangers in your mind. Pornography becomes addictive as you are ever searching for the next steamy scene by strangers on screens. Slowly you become numb to your spouse’s sexiness as you drool over strangers; even when you climax, it’s not because you are thinking about your spouse but because you are thinking of porn stars. Pornography is like taking a walk with your spouse in the streets and desiring every person who passes your way, you wouldn’t do that in the streets, so why do that on screens? - PROMISCUITY
Sleeping with many people drains you, and eventually, you feel lost. Even though sex takes you to a form of high, sex comes with deep feelings of emptiness in you. Sex is best enjoyed exclusively, that’s why we marry. - SUSPICION
When you suspect your spouse of unfaithfulness your body will automatically become defensive. You keep asking in your head where has your spouse been, will you contract a disease, how dare your spouse do that? - FIGHTS WITH YOUR LOVER
It is difficult to enjoy sex with a spouse you are mad at, a spouse you despise, who keeps hurting you, or who makes you feel taken for granted. Sex is not for people who consider themselves enemies. Resolve disputes quickly, don’t end the day with grudges, and makeup before you go to bed; your sex life is at stake. Once arguments make the fire fade, it will be hard to get it back. - POOR MOOD SETTINGS
Is your bedroom conducive for sex? Is your bedroom an eyesore or neat? Is the decor and lighting a good ambiance for passion? Do you dress up for sex, investing in lingerie? Do you shower up to give you a fresh natural scent, or are you full of foul smell? Do you clean your pubic area, do you shave if your spouse loves it shaved? Your body is a meal, package it ready to eat; your bedroom is your sex haven, decorate it as such. - RUSHING
Unless it’s a quickie, don’t rush sex. Take your time, there is so much treasure hidden in your spouse’s body. Explore. Tease your spouse, and prolong the climb so that when the climax comes it is a massive volcano and to her, multiple eruptions. - SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY
It is very important to marry someone you are sexually compatible with so that you two naturally flow. A person may be good in character and heart but not sexually compatible with you so sex will be something you both struggle to do, you’ll find friction and walls on your way to climax, and it will exhaust you. Sexual compatibility is cultivated, you get it by learning from each other. - PAST PAIN
If the abuse of sex in the past brought you pain then you will never enjoy sex if you don’t heal. If you were raped or sexually assaulted, if you were crashed sexually, if you aborted, if you used to sell your body for favors; then you need to heal to get to enjoy sex. Your spouse will help you heal if you open up, don’t let something so beautiful be ruined by past pain. Let God redeem sex to how it should be sweet and pleasurable. - RIGIDNESS
Sex is like a graceful dance, you will not enjoy it if you are rigid and have rules and fixed patterns. Remember it is not just about you getting pleasure your way, your spouse has desires too. Your spouse could be taking you to pleasures unknown if only you relax, let loose, and be open and free. - HYGIENE CONCERNS
Sex sometimes can get sensually messy. Yes, your fluids mix, tongues collide, and sheets get wet. If you’re busy being made love to but still playing your neat freak role you will not enjoy sex. In fact, you will find yourself repelling your spouse, you don’t want to lick your spouse, don’t want the tongue on you, you’ll be scared of fluids mixing, and worse off, especially for women, when he climaxes you push him aside and want to run to take a shower. Your spouse can tell when you wear disgusted eyes.
14..SAME OLD ROUTINE
Boredom eventually makes you get tired of sex, sex shouldn’t always be predictable. Be creative in bed, your sex life depends on it.
- HAVING SEX AS AN OBLIGATION
Sex should be an expression of love,, not a duty. Tragedy is when you get to the point of sexing your spouse because you feel obligated to give your spouse conjugal rights. Sex should not be one-sided where one spouse gets pleasure and the other feels forced to play the part. This is where most women fake orgasms and end them quickly, soon sex becomes undesirable. - PATHETIC FOREPLAY
No foreplay or pathetic foreplay puts off the act. Sex should be like a concert, where foreplay is the curtain raiser and intercourse is the main act. When the curtain raiser is a bad performance, it taints the quality of the entire concert. - COLD HINDPLAY
The foreplay may be amazing, and intercourse could be incredible, but what happens after the climax shapes the view of sex. If after sex your spouse becomes cold towards you, treats you like you are no longer needed, or walks away like you are some dirty thing; you will begin to feel used. Every time you think of sex, you will remember that feeling of being used. - VIEWING SEX AS EVIL
In a world where talking about sex has been made a taboo, sex has been made so cheap, the abuse of sex has led to much pain and we grow up being told to shun sex; many end up viewing sex as evil. Godly people become programmed to frown at the thought of sex. Evil shouldn’t steal what God invented. Sex is Godly and is God’s idea. In your marriage, talk dirty with your spouse, get kinky, and hold nothing back; for even God expects, desires, and demands you two to enjoy sex. - FEAR OF PREGNANCY
No one, married or not desires to get a child when they are not ready. We plan our families because we want to bring children into this world when we can give the best. The fear of getting pregnant can take away the peace, one can’t relax fully though the want for pleasure exists. Even after the sex, the mind stays anxious waiting for the monthly periods and gets worried when the periods are late. That worry keeps eating up the joy of sex. Save yourself the stress, discuss with your spouse and doctor the right contraceptive so that you enjoy sex, and plan when to have children or your next child. - ROUGHNESS
When your spouse is clumsy, hurtful, or rough on you and touching you it can easily kill the pleasure. Teach each other how to handle each other, and be sensitive. There is a difference between wild good sex and hurtful handling. - WRONG WORDS OR NOT WORDS SPOKEN
Don’t be silent, go on and moan, say something, say what you want. Your moan turns your spouse on even more, the more your spouse hears you enjoying, the more your spouse gets into it and enjoyment is heightened. Be careful also not to say something that turns your spouse off. - YOUR EX
If you had sex with another or others before getting married, move on from those past experiences. Don’t recall those past thoughts, focus on your spouse. Don’t make your spouse compete with thoughts of an ex stuck in your mind. - GUILT
When you know you are having sex with someone who is not yours, when you know you are being unfaithful; your conscience will not let you enjoy sex. You will know what you’re doing doesn’t please God. - LOW SELF ESTEEM
How you view yourself dictates how you approach sex. If you have low self-esteem, if you are self-conscious about your body, if you don’t feel attractive, if you don’t see yourself as sexy; you will not enjoy sex. Work on your self-image to make love with confidence. Love your body, dress your body well, keep fit, and make sure you don’t insult or mock your spouse’s body but that you compliment and praise your spouse’s body; that body carries the heart of the person who loves you. Make your spouse feel sexy and you will be sexed good. - SELFISHNESS
The greatest sex happens when two givers give pleasure. When it’s only about one spouse getting pleasure and calling the shots, the other spouse will not enjoy it but will want the act to end quickly and walk away or sleep.
Source: Sire Apm Lukwesa
